Three Second Violation

I was just sitting on the couch, and I’ll never forget it. Just sitting on the couch, lying really, legs extended fully, head sinking slowly into the cushion, so that before long I’d have to readjust, prop the sagging cushion with a pillow, maybe, or maybe two. The day to that point was only a day, and while no two are alike they can be awfully similar: behind me was a morning bowl of Cheerios, like usual, before me some errands, some reading, a few push-ups, perhaps; the nondescript seconds of a nondescript day. But first the couch, on which I was sitting, or more accurately lying; the television murmuring for my attention and earning roughly half of it, the computer screen shining, beckoning with its claims of infinity, enough to receive the remaining percentage. And what occurs to me now, though it did not then, is the magic of it all. One might wander the streets of cities from poems, day after sleepless night, always in search for that peerless moment, never finding it. Fate zigs and zags, it zigs and zigs; sometimes it travels straight as a Hardaway, and sometimes it doesn’t travel at all. I was just sitting on the couch when it found me, and if you read this site no doubt you remember where you were when it found you too. Maybe the television, a newspaper, even a friend shared the news; for me it was the internet, and there on the couch, as I read the unbelievable, my nondescript day took on singular importance: Greg Ostertag was coming back.

Ostertag is 38 now. He first retired at 33. That’s fairly young for a player to walk away of his own accord – and make no mistake, NBA teams were still happy to have him – but Ostertag had had enough, not of the game but of the lifestyle. A career cut short, but still a memorable one, even legendary – TSV has wrote of him before; his face, if you haven’t noticed, is the icon of our website. It’s not just the 00, it’s not just the brute, unflinching mediocrity. “Teams know what I can bring to the table,” says Ostertag, selling himself to the NBA. “Putbacks, clogging the paint, rebounding and that’s it.” And that is it. Our love for Ostertag stems not solely from his limited skill-set, it stems from his frank acknowledgment and chaste commitment to said skill-set. You know, give me the ingredients and I can mix a pretty damn good salad. And I’m proud of that. There’s a little Greg Ostertag in all of us, and there’s a whole lot of Greg Ostertag in Greg Ostertag.

“He knocks people down,” said Legends Coach Del Harris. “He’s hard to deal with. Every time I’ve seen him, he matters in the game.” That came after Ostertag’s best D-League game yet: 10 pts, 8 rbs, 2 blocks in only 21 minutes. The prospect was real. Would Greg Ostertag sell NBA tickets? I’m not sure; it’s possible. Most anything is. And why not take a flier on the big man? The risk is low, likewise the reward; the fact is you know what you’re getting, and what you’re getting is better than Francisco Elson. It could be.

Or, it could’ve been. Because just like that he was gone again. After 10 games of 4 and 5 in 13 per with the Texas Legends, Ostertag put an abrupt end to his comeback bid. The pain in his knees was just too much. It hurts, of course. The end, not the knees. It hurts me and it must hurt him. You wish it could’ve ended differently, but then, how else would it have ended? I have lucid dreams of an Ostertag tip slam; it beats the buzzer and it beats the Heat, Game 7 and the NBA Championship won by Greg Ostertag himself. Of course this is improbable, down to the detail: even if he managed the game winner it would likely be by tip-in, no slam at all.

Do a Google Image search for Greg Ostertag and before long you’ll encounter a picture of Fat Ronaldo and one of a Moochie Norris duck. What does it all mean? I don’t know. It’s a good thing, though. I’m sure of that. He might have got a call, had the knees held up. A few minutes off the bench for a depth-starved fringe squad. It wouldn’t have been glorious, and how could it have been? He’s Greg Ostertag. I’ll miss him, no doubt. I think we all will. But we can all dream for a little longer. Because if Greg Ostertag can almost have an NBA comeback, maybe Big Country can too.